he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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