Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
