Will you blow on my dice?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
