Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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