I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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