I got her a Nickelback box set.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
