hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
