I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
