I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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