i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
