A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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