i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
