I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
