marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
