Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
