so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
