Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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