if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
bring money and cleavage
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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