He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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