You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
