Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize