So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
