We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
