thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
