Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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