would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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