he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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