I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
