So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the day after is always just damage control
Semen is not good for contacts.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
