i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
