is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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