one might say we're banned from that church
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize