also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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