she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
