I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
