mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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