She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
