I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
