We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Bring me that man meat
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
