Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Rock

(630): View more from Illinois

Scissors

(630): View more from Illinois

Fuck

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(712): View more from Iowa

I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex

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(+04): View more from

Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.

(1+04): View more from

I hate Sailor Jerry.

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(351): View more from Massachusetts

I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.

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(716): View more from New York

He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.

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(914): View more from New York

Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.

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(757): View more from Virginia

It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.

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(305): View more from Florida

So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?

(1-305): View more from Florida

Google chlamydia.

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