I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
