i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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