I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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