Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
