Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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