Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
