Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
