i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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