i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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