I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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