when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm really busy with my period
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