After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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