Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
