this boner is exhausting
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
