Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
