Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Help me help you realize you are a moron
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
