I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
