were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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