Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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