We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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