Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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