I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize