I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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