I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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